Will the Idiot in Seat 22-D Please Stand?

Sorry, but I have to get this one off my chest. After listening to the umpteenth rendition of the Flight Attendant Safety 101 script, I’d like to know one thing…

Is there anyone in this world who does not know how to buckle a seat belt? Anyone? One single person? In the deepest recesses of Africa or the Amazon they have Land Rovers, so the locals have surely seen someone buckling a seatbelt. Yet on every single flight the attendants have to waste their time and ours showing us how to buckle a damned seatbelt!

I have a better idea. Why don’t the attendants just ask whomever does not know how to buckle a seatbelt to raise their hands. Then they can ask just those miscreants to stand up (but please do not block the aisle). They can hand out a certificate or, better yet, a seat belt lapel pin to the folks once they pass a test (sort of like a No-Idiot-Left-Behind graduation award).

Thanks. I feel better. Now, where is that damned seat belt?